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This Week with The Chicowitz: |
[last week: "Threats to Freedom"]
| Each week our Boomer-in-Charge, Hershel Chicowitz, has something to say about life, society, or what's going on... from the perspective of a baby boomer. This is what's on his mind the week of August 4: |
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One of my clients just outfitted me with a beeper: an electronic leash.
Oh, the idea is OK; I guess I don't mind. This beeper has a "private
time" feature. You can program it to refuse intrusions at certain hours
of the day. That's good. But it also has a news feature. Every fifteen minutes or so, it transmits the latest news, weather, sports, and stock quotes to me. Now, I am as much of a news freak as anybody, but I don't need a beeper to tell me every time Barack Obama changes his position on an issue. Please! As much as I like technology, it often goes way too far. One obvious example in our past was 8-track tape players? Who in the world needed 8 tracks? What were they thinking?
With that in mind, I've prepared a small list of recent innovations; I call it "technology good, technology bad." Steering-wheel lock: good idea. After some jamocca tried to steal the Mazdamobile a few years ago, I bought The Club. It is not perfect, but the thugs look for the easiest target. This is a good idea. Alarm-based automobile security system: bad idea. Nobody pays any attention to those things. Nobody! One of my neighbors has one; it goes off a couple times a month in the middle of the night... just to break the monotony. The last time it happened, another neighbor circulated a flyer offering a $500 reward to anyone who would steal this hunk of tin just so we could get a decent night's sleep! The alarm-based automobile security system is a bad, bad idea! Television: good idea.
Snooze button on the alarm clock: very good idea. Cordless telephone: very good idea; I like to be able to walk and talk. Cell phones: very bad idea. I do not like to walk that far... or talk that much. I know that there are times when a cell phone is very handy. But on the whole, it is a bad, bad idea. Absolutely nobody is that important. Trust me; much as you think you can't live without yours, time will prove me right on this one. The next time you're caught with your pants down around your ankles in a stall in a public bathroom trying to carry on a serious conversation, you'll begin to agree with me. Text messaging: Please! Absolutely ridiculous. Picture phone: bad, bad idea. AT&T pushed this for the better part of a decade. The absolute best thing about the telephone is that you can talk to someone at home without having to reveal that you are not wearing socks... or underwear. DNA testing: I was up in the air on this one, until the famous Blue Dress turned up. DNA testing: good idea! The Internet: good idea. The inventor of the Internet: bad idea. Police radar: bad idea. Radar detector: good idea. Automobile cruise control: heaven on earth! Microwave oven: terrific idea! Microwave popcorn: bad idea. Hair spray for men: good idea. Spray-on hair for men: bad idea. The Psychic Friends Network: bad idea. The Home Shopping Network: bad, bad idea. Fox Television Network: bad, bad, bad idea. Victoria's Secret: good idea... whatever the heck it is. The Bikini: good idea. The Bikini brief for men: bad idea. Henry Fonda: good idea. Jane Fonda: bad idea. Susan B. Anthony silver dollar coin: bad idea. Princess Sacawannajamuski silver dollar coin: they just won't learn, will they? Automatic teller machine: good idea. Automatic teller machine that plays movie trailers, commercials, and news stories: bad idea! Somebody needs to be shot for coming up with this one. Airport change machines that give you 85-cents in exchange for a dollar bill: criminal idea! Friends, this is another reason why the second amendment needs to be protected. DVR (Digital Video Recorder): good idea. DVR (Digital Video Recorder) that sends viewing data back to the provider: bad idea. Taking candid pictures of people with my digital camera: good idea. People taking candid pictures of me with their digital camera: bad idea. Disposable razor: good idea. Disposable camera: bad idea. Disposable diaper for babies: good idea. Disposable diaper for adults: bad idea. Fast food, drive-through window: good idea. Fast food, drive-through audio speaker: good idea, badly implemented. The electric toothbrush: bad idea; nobody should be that lazy. The electric nose clipper: ditto.
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Exploring My Roots: A Chicowitz History
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Terrific boomer memorabilia!!
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Hershel will have something else to say on August 11: mark your
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to
remind you to come back to BBHQ every Monday.
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Did you miss last week's essay, "Threats to Freedom"
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