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BBHQ Boomer Essays: |
| Our Boomer-In-Charge here at BBHQ, Hershel Chicowitz, writes frequently about current events... from a boomer perspective. He is sometimes funny, sometimes provocative, sometimes a little of each. We hope you get a kick out of our Boomer Essays. |
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When I was in tenth grade, they put me in an advanced math class. I did
not feel particularly comfortable there, but I squeaked by. We sailed
through Venn diagrams, some basic trigonometry, quadratic equations,
polynomials, and I don't know what else. That must have given me an
inferiority complex, 'cause I struggled with trig in college, and dropped
out of math as soon as I could. No rocket science for this kid. But it caught up to me when I took a graduate economics class. We spent half the term calculating the standard deviation, variance and a bunch of other junk; I have no idea why; I guess they just ran out of things to teach that dealt with economics. After a few supply and demand concepts, elasticity of demand, and the Federal Reserve, there is not much else concrete to know about economics. All the rest is just supposition, theory, and an abundance of social policy. Not to pile on economists here (Drs. Steinike and Shows, please forgive me), but it was famed economist John Kenneth Galbrith who said that "economics is a very useful form of employment for economists." That about says it all.
 Anyway, I was more than a little concerned when the supervisor of my first real-world job asked me how good I was at statistics. I bluffed my way through an answer, but I was ready to hang it up and look for another job. Oh, I could calculate a standard deviation, but I had absolutely no idea what it was used for. But about 30 minutes into this job, I realized that what he meant by statistics and what I thought was statistics were two entirely different things. To him, statistics meant keeping track of the number of widgets produced, ordered, sold, and returned. This was nothing more than third-grade math.... or at least what had been third-grade math for me. Such was my introduction to the real world. In most of the real world, you don't have to know much beyond addition, subtraction, multiplication, and some simple division. And with about a jillion calculators around, how difficult can it be? Apparently, just a tad over the head of most of today's workers, that's how difficult. I always anguish when I go the deli to buy some roast beef. It starts as soon as I take number and patiently wait my turn. I am number 68; according to the electronic counter on the back wall, they are currently serving number 60. The highly skilled clerk looks at the counter and punches a button to advance it to the next number. But then she has to turn around and look at the counter again to know what number to call next. "Now serving number... sixty....... one." Come on, lady; 60 plus 1 is 61! Always has been; always will be. It's even more of a challenge when I order "a third of a pound of roast beef." (A third of a pound is just enough for three sandwiches; a quarter of a pound is not enough, and half a pound is more than I can use before it spoils.) Apparently the clerks can't deal with thirds -- halves and quarters, yes; but thirds... that is beyond them. It is always a surprise to see what they will come up with in response to my order. Most of the time, they pile on about three quarters of a pound... I guess just to cover themselves; better too much than too little. Often the clerk will pile one slice at a time on the scale looking all the time at me, not at the gauge. No sense looking at the gauge when you have no idea whether a third is .33 or .25 or .66 or 17.95 pounds. I suppose the management at Publix grocery stores would rather I not mention the name of the store. But it is always the same; it just amazes me. But if you think a calculator makes it easier... think again. A few years ago I bought a calculator for my neighbor, who was opening her own beauty shop. It seemed to be an essential tool to a young woman who could do wonders with hair, but could not read the electronic speedometer on her car; at least that's what she always told the police. She was thrilled to receive the calculator, but brought it back to me the next day saying it didn't work. We'll take care of that, I said, a little bit embarrassed. But thank goodness I had the sense to ask her what was wrong before I stormed into Radio Shack and demanded a replacement. She showed me that when you entered seventy-five cents (.75) and added fifteen cents (.15) to it, the result was not ninety cents. It was .9, not .90. It did not work right. I was absolutely astonished; I just did not believe it was possible to have a high school diploma and be that... that... that numerically impaired. And to this day, I don't think she gets it. But I guess that's what CPAs are for; I donno.
I went into a McDonald's last week and ordered "a large fries, to go." The astute clerk looked at me and said, "Large?" I rolled my eyes and said yes; and I just knew what his next question would be. "Will that be for here, or to go?" I knew it; I just knew it. So he punched some buttons and rang up the sale, and repeated the total to me so there would be no confusion: "That'll be $4.52." I said, "I don't think so; not for a large fries to go." Well, that was beyond him; he had absolutely no idea what to do. So a supervisor came over and apologized; this is his first day, she explained. Lady, I have yet to work my first day at McDonald's, but even I know that a large fries does not cost $4.52! What is going on here? No, I only thought that; but I'm sure something like that showed through the forced grin on my face. How do these kids make it from one day to the next? How do they get by? What is going on here? What are we teaching kids these days in school? Maybe I would feel better if I had kids who brought home textbooks from school and studied at night. Maybe it would help me if I saw some evidence of my tax dollars at work. They still have textbooks in school, don't they? They still assign homework, don't they? Silly me for asking. But I see no evidence at all that these kids are learning a thing in school. Nothing! The part that really scares me though, is that this is the generation that will be working to pay for my social security. Well, there may be a silver lining here. They probably won't realize that they'll have to contribute two-thirds of their salary just to pay for our social security. And most of them won't have the slightest idea what two-thirds is; I guess it won't matter as long as they can still pay the cable TV bill. Come to think of it, maybe that's the whole idea behind the new math. Sorry it took me so long to figure it out.
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Exploring My Roots: A Chicowitz History
Membership details here.
Terrific boomer memorabilia!!
Remember this?
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If you like what we're doing here at BBHQ, please help us by buying stuff through our link to Amazon.com:
| The BBHQ Album of the Month is "Old Friends Live on Stage (Deluxe Edition) (2 CD/1 DVD)," by Simon & Garfunkel. If you were fortunate enough to see them in concert last year, I do not have to sell you. The concert was terrific! This album collection includes 55 songs, plus their new recording, "Citizen of the Planet," and one of the songs sung by the Everly Brothers during the concert. The DVD was recorded during their concert in Madison Square Garden in 2003. For any S&G fan, this is a must have! But then, you knew that already, didn't you? |
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The BBHQ Book of the Month is
"Vinyl Highway," by
Dee Dee Phelps. You remember her as Dee Dee, of Dick and Dee Dee.
Together, they took a decade long ride on the rock and roll roller
coaster. It was a heck of a ride! Dick Clark, Quincy Jones, the Beach
Boys, Glenn Campbell, Dionne Warwick, Bobby Vinton... Dick and Dee Dee
rubbed shoulders with all of them. This is her "behind the scenes" story.
It's pretty cool.
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