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Midlife Crisis - The Saga Continues
As an aging baby boomer, I am deep in the throes of mid-life crisis.
I am fighting this cruel affliction (mother nature's little practical
joke) with every weapon in my arsenal. Last month, the battle
intensified.
For the first thirty-five years of my life, I went to a barber shop
every three weeks. A barber shop; you know, the quaint, little store
with the red stripe circling 'round the white thing outside the store;
like Floyd's Barber Shop, in Mayberry. Inside, there were three barber
chairs that faced eight metal chairs lined up in a row for the waiting
customers - the decor was something like "early Goodwill." The haircut
cost me five bucks.
But a while back, the lady I was dating treated me to a "hair style
and cut" at one of those unisex places, "Hair Today - Gone Tomorrow."
Oh, I had plenty of reservations - what should I wear? What if someone I
know sees me? But I decided to show that I was not locked in the sixties
- I was trying to be one of those flexible, sensitive, New Age kind of
guys. So I went in. Inside the shop, there was a small waiting area in
front of two rows of "styling chairs," each row facing the other. My
immediate thought was "Which side is for the men?" What if I pick the
wrong side? Will I come out looking like Sinead O'Connor? Or maybe Roy
Orbison. Sheriff Andy Taylor would never come to a place like this. Can
I go home now?
But I was immediately greeted by Jamie, my "personal stylist."
Jamie reminded me of a grown-up Barbie doll; blond, perfectly shaped,
smiling, polite, bouncy. This could be interesting. Barbie - I mean
Jamie - escorted me to the back of the shop where she sat me down in
front of a sink, and began washing my hair. Now I had never had anyone
wash my hair for me - let alone in a public place. Was this legal? But
within 30 seconds, it didn't matter; I was in ecstasy! When she
finished, she took me to her personal station, and continued this royal
treatment. She blow-dried my hair and began cutting and styling my
flock of hair. This was fascinating. Soon, it didn't matter which side
I was on or who might see me. When she was done, I had a new hair style,
a new friend, and a new way of life. It cost fifteen bucks, plus a three
dollar tip. But that didn't matter. I was a new man - and a much
younger one, at that.
This lovely arrangement continued for three years. Jamie and I
became good friends, as well. Jamie was always cheerful, friendly,
uplifting, extremely competent, comforting. She was always there for me.
Jamie was the only consistent, understanding female in my life - a true
credit to her gender. I don't think that my new hair style helped my
social life. But I felt better about myself, and that was the most
important thing. I felt younger. I sort of felt like I had tricked
mother nature.
But then, last month, I got a post card from the folks at "Hair
Today" telling me that Jamie had "cut out" - their pun, not mine. Could
this be possible? I had just seen Jamie a few days earlier. I wished
her a Happy Thanksgiving and told her I'd see her before Christmas.
Heck, I'd already bought her Christmas present. So I raced to the phone
and called the shop; sadly, it was true - Jamie had left to become a
court reporter. A court reporter! And there I was -
dumped again.
I guess I can't blame Jamie - she was trying to improve her life -
more power to her. But she never warned me; she never said a thing. She
just split (my pun, not theirs). She didn't even recommend a
replacement. (Of course, what woman does?) What am I to do now? Is
there a support group I could join?
Oh well, I guess it could have been worse. Jamie could have become
a lawyer instead of a court reporter. Then she'd probably sue me for
using her real name in this story. Thank goodness for small favors.
But what do I do now? I can't go back to the barber shop. And no
one could do for me what Jamie did. Maybe I'll just let my hair grow. In
six months, I'll look like Charles Manson. But with any luck, maybe I can
get a booking on one of those TV talk shows: "Men who have been dumped by
their hairdresser - next Geraldo."
Mid-life crisis wins another round.
The Boomer Essays - On Being a Boomer:
Personal Stories of the Chicowitz:
Exploring My Roots: A Chicowitz History
A Trip to the Dentist
The Chicowitz Gets Dumped - Again!
Just Shoot Me!
He Sleeps with the Fishes
My Little Girl, Princess
Why am I Still Single?
The Plastic Surgery Saga
Our House is a Very, Very, Very Fine House... Not!
Our House - Part 2
Our House - Part 3: Reclaiming the Past
Middle Age and the Mazdamobile
Down for the Count
That Dirty Dancing
Contemplations on the Hereafter
Tool Time with the Chicowitz
The Chicowitz Goes Country
Born to be Screwed
Mr. Brownthumb
The Mixer - A Singles Story
Crab Cakes
Midlife Crisis:
The Defining Moment
The Saga Continues
Fighting Back
The Straight Scoop
In December, Traditions of Christmas:
1997: The Christmas Tree
1998: Remembrance.... and Friends
1999: Christmas Cards
2001: Songs & Stories
2002: The Gift of Giving
2003: Decorating the Tree
2004: The Christmas Pin
2005: The Making of the Christmas Card
2006: Christmas on a Toothpick
2007: The Paper Route Years
Merry Christmas, Y'all
Hershel's Wish List: 2004
The "A" List
Teach, Preach & Nag:
Courage and Class: Tony Snow
The New American Dream
A Grateful Heart
Things We'll Learn
The Death of a Friend
The Age of Non-Responsibility
"Thank You": Another Dying Phrase
The Saturday Night Live "Curse"
The Boomers, the Xers and Beyond
Rules, Boundaries and Consequences
It's for the Children
"American Beauty" - an American Nightmare
Of Values and Legacies
School Violence: Lessons from the Past
The Boomer Lyrics are with Us Everywhere
Everybody's Got a Story
Power to the Boomers
My Kingdom for a Plain Burger
Perception is Reality?
Oh Woe is Us!
It's Soooooo Hard
Take Care of Yourself
Public Service
The Universal Apology
The Leader of the Band
Travels with Princess:
A Camping We Will Go
A Camping We Did Go
Travels with Princess - Part 1
Travels with Princess - Part 2
Me and You and a Dog Named Princess
Savannah: Midnight in the Garden
Time to Think
On Top of Old Smoky
The Fall Leaves and Such
A View from Hurricane Alley:
The Big Scare
Before the Storm
After the Storm
Katrina:
Intemperate Thoughts
Information Misload
Wet Dream
Election 2004:
JF Kerry: Just the Facts
A Discussion of the Issues
The Election 2004 Quiz
Find a Bush Lie -- Collect $5,000
Talking Dirty in Washington
I Believe - The George W. Bush Edition
Inside John Kerry
Why Character Matters - Part Umpteen
Reporting for Duty
Is it Safe Yet?
Why We/They Hate Bush
Ronald Reagan: Hard-Wired Decency
What I Am
Nov. 8: Post-Mortem
Election 2006:
I Believe -- the Election 2006 Edition
A Civil Debate
|
A Boomer Remembers...:
I Remember the 50s
The 60s: Life was Sweeter
The New American Dream
Another Side of the Greatest Generation
Where has all the Music Gone?
Memories of the Sock Hop
Remembering the Chairman of the Board
Restless in Seattle
The New Math
We Are Not One Boomer
"And Here's to You, Joe DiMaggio"
The Days of Summers Past
The Seeds of Character
A Letter to a Teacher
I Want a Clark Bar!
When Music was Fun
Decoration Day - The Measure of Sacrifice
11/22/63: We Remember
Flashback: The Y2K Hysteria
When the Music had Words
Ronald Reagan: Hard-Wired Decency
The Great Carsoni
Love Songs of the Chicowitz
Do You Remember These?
V-A-C-A-T-I-O-N -- We're on Vacation!
A Watergate Success Story
Straight Talk on Social Issues:
Money 101: Incentive
Health Care: Solutions
Dr. Jack - A Man for Our Times
Misplaced Outrage: The Imus Affair
Global Warming Warning
Sin Offsets
Immigration: Good Fences
July, 2006: The Price of Freedom
Oh, Woe is Babs!
"Fair and Balanced"?
Lower Education
Boomer Retirement: "Hell No, We Won't Go!"
Social Security for Dummies
Feelings over Facts
Talking Down the Economy
The Little Red Hen
The Singles' Journal: Marriage
The Shadow IRS
The Dumbing Down of America
The Next, Great Entitlement
Voting Our way to Fairness
Straight Talk on Energy
We are Losing the Culture War
A Taxpayers' Bill of Rights
The Greedy Hand Extends its Reach
My Kingdom for a Candidate
Another Hat in the Toilet
We Have Met the Enemy
I'm From the Government & I'm Here to Help You
B. Clinton: The Case Against the President
B. Clinton: The Case For the President
Charlton Heston: The Culture War
Head Start: The Difference between Red and Blue
Labor Day - The Entrepreneur
It's Lonely at the Top
Kids on Drugs
Roe v. Wade Reality
Stem Cell 101
Vietnam: From a Distance
Iraq: Another Vietnam - ?
Freedom:
What Makes America Great
Another Side of Freedom
The Purest form of Democracy
Threats to Freedom
Mostly, Just Silly Stuff:
Sin Offsets
Menopause: Just for Laughs
The Fat Tax
Cell Phones & Other Crimes & Misdemeanors
Like Father, Like Son
Where Have You Gone, Walter Cronkite?
A Dire Warning to all Boomers
An Aging Boomer's Final Call to Action
BoomerSpeak
"American Pie": a Fresh Interpretation
Hail to Thee, My Alma Mater
Rock On!
The BBHQ Exam Story
Great Quotations
The $2.5 Million Pyramid
I Double-Dare You!
The Terrorist Attack of 2001:
The Best of Times
Showing Your Patriotism
"All We are Saaaaaaaa-ying..."
2004: Is it Safe Yet?
The Chicowitz on Iraq:
Politics for Dummies - Part I
Peace in Our Time
Yankee Go Home!
Bullhorn Responsibility
Blood for Oil!
Why We Fight
They Said - Part 1
They Said - Part 2
Why They're Wrong
** There's even more: The BBHQ Archives **
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Copyright © 1997-2003 Baby Boomer HeadQuarters (BBHQ) All rights reserved.
rev. 07/08/01
